Howler 1.0 Released

April 13th, 2011

I haven’t posted on this blog in, oh,  I don’t even know howl ong.  It’s time to succor those who’ve been howling about the lack of puns (oh, don’t scowl).  Ever since I switched to programming in C++ friends have asked me, “How’ll you satisfy your Cocoa cravings?”  Everyone knows that C++ will always leave your bowels on the prowl for square brackets.  So, I became a night owl, satisfying my cravings in the privacy of my apartment.

Seriously, what’s up with this new app called Howler?

Though I do sometimes have cravings for Cocoa, the true Howler story is a bit different.  My girlfriend Brianna and I often had need of a timer for cooking, laundry, coffee, etc, and I caught her using a Flash-based internet timer.  The Flash timer was ugly, couldn’t be used with the keyboard, and lost the time if the laptop lid was closed.  Finding these limitations unacceptable, and having a personal love of clocks and timers, I set out to make a sleeker and faster-to-start timer.  After many feature additions (Fahrenheit/Celsius conversion, alarm mode, named Howlers, etc.) and “in-apartment” testing, Howler is the result.  Happy howling!

If you have a feature request, please send it to

Pun Test IV

December 8th, 2009

I’m driving on the German autobahn.  I feel great; the sky is the limit.  But the speed isn’t the only thing making my day…


While driving, I like to eat little chocolate balls filled with cream.


1.  The natives have a unique accent in Southeastern Germany.  At the end of a meal, they say something that sounds French, and I feel oddly hungry for the road afterwards.

2.  I passed a drum circle on my way; as I looked between the hippies’ knees, I saw a new type of drum.

3.  In order to facilitate communication with passengers and other drivers at high speeds, I’ve developed a kind of ‘street-talk’ (mostly swerving and honking).  I’m thinking of having it recognized as an official language and taught in schools.

4.  The day nearly over, I took a detour to a drive-in theater and watched a wonderful romantic drama about two drivers who never seem to love each other at the same time.

See Answers


October 7th, 2009

I received the following spam messages from sites attempting to get their messages posted in comments:

katelop:  What day does a fish hate? Fry-day.

valerymur: Why do bicycles fall over? Because they are two-tired.

celiapob:  What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A pachydermatologist.

lawannarog:  What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? A roaming Catholic.

Pun Test III

October 2nd, 2009
A Red Flag on this (word) play...

Red flag on the (word) play!

In the Alps, things have different names.

Think of a word that matches the definition…

A fast-retracting knife, found in Switzerland, and illegal in the US
Answer: Swissblade

1. If I go to Switzerland, all my problems will be solved.

2. A Swiss person makes a perfect shot in basketball.

3. A guy who swing both ways, but only in Switzerland.

4. An instrument used to stir Swiss cocktails

See Answers

League of our own

June 11th, 2009
Found at the Pacific Standard, in Brooklyn

MG: I found this at a bar!

Fox:  I should have gone to Berkeley in the 60s!  My parents, though, wouldn’t Stand for’t.

MG:  I know… I feel like we missed out on a good opportunity with Berkeley.  But my parents would have Yaled at me if I went.

Fox:  In reality, I was too mainstream to go there.  I used to listen to Prince a ton!

MG:  But you know, maybe I should have gone to school in California rather than Ohio… Then I wouldn’t have ended up in Corn-hell.

Pun Test II

June 4th, 2009

Simon and Renee are a couple on a road trip to the Napa vineyards.



Renee: Are we there yet?

Simon: Quit your Wining!


1. Simon: I say, the roads here are not very straight.  How would you describe them, darling?

2. Renee: Let’s find a secluded vineyard, get naked and make love…  What do you think?

3. Simon: Remember that great position we tried last Friday?  It was called “Drunk Hippo” or something…

4. Renee: We forgot the whip! We’ll have to create something string-like out of materials nearby…

See Answers

Book Report: Naked

May 28th, 2009

“Over time I  grew accustomed to the sight of a friend’s colostomy bag and began to think of Kent State as something of an I.V. League University.” (145)

“They used to be so much fun, my children.  We’d go to all kinds of nude parks and beaches, but then they got older and married clothes-minded girls who won’t have anything to do with my way of life.” (289)

— David Sedaris, Naked

Pun Test I

May 8th, 2009

Imagine two men in a church sanctuary, moving a table in choir/stage area.  How would you describe the following?



A fight between the two.

Answer: Altarcation

While moving the table, one of them missteps.

Answer: Faltar



1. On the table, there’s a book of Psalms.

2. The two men are now producing power for a car.

3. They’re going clubbing in SoMa later. What are they wearing?

4. They maneuver the table through a small doorway.  What do you call this passage?

5. A feisty old woman interviews them as they work. Who is she?

See Answers

Limerick Supreme

May 5th, 2009

The pro-lifers presumed then to tutor us

On what women should do with their uterus

Fifty million they paid

To defeat Roe v. Wade

But they couldn’t persuade David Souterus

— NW


April 30th, 2009

Fox: When should we get together?

TM: Call me after dinner?

Fox: Ok.

TM: Awesome.  Mandate!


Mandate, n

Platonic meeting between two heterosexual men established within a romantically charged conversation.